Ratios

Earlier today, on our way to breakfast, Alex asked if I was agoraphobic. It’s an interesting question. I don’t tend to be someone who accepts "social" type diseases. Alex mentioned medication, but that thought is so far from my mind it’s not even funny. If I’m uncomfortable in public, I figure it’s something I just need to deal with, buck up and friggin’ accept it. Move on. I sure as hell don’t want to rely on some kind of pink pill or capsule to help me do what I should be able to do on my own.

I’m thinking again about ratios, and about how much time I need around others, and how much time I need alone. I know I haven’t been getting enough time alone, lately. It’s making me irritable and cranky and turning me into a big pain in the ass to be around.

I want the world to disappear for a day, so I can just read or sit or curl into a little ball.

When I stop to think about it, I wonder if I’ve always been like this. Or if I’ve allowed myself to become like this.